Balance in life and spirituality


(the following article is an excerpt from the book “Egotrism” by F.v.Fargas)

A lot of people look around and wonder in what community they would integrate best, which social group would suit them better. They stay in bed at night, put their heads on the pillow and start thinking at all kinds of ideas referring to their existence and importance on this Earth, and not few are they who are still searching for that Truth about this complex Universe and its mysterious secrets. I wonder if all of this isn’t right under our noses, pretty simple but hard to ‘digest’.

Especially when you wake up at the age of 50 without any real purpose in life, with no great achievements and with no drop of satisfaction. We run our whole lives after things that we consider important, but never think at their connection to us. Some seek financial success, others search for love, others a family etc. Everyone makes what he feels he needs to do but doesn’t put the problem if he really does it for a really important purpose in his evolution. And it IS blamable ! It is not an excuse that you work like a slave 12 hours a day, that you have 5 kids and don’t have time for YOURSELF.

Life belongs to you and, like you take care of your teeth every morning to not have dental decay you can take care of your soul for at least 30 minutes a day. We live in a world that is way too stressed, depressed and ignorant that doesn’t do anything to evolve, physically, mentally and spiritually. The financial crisis came and no more or less affected us all, we the ordinary people. And suddenly everyone lives to work, instead of working to live. I can’t believe that I am unconscious or too immature to understand that there is no way to live without working like a maniac.

But there’s a difference. When after those 12 hours of work you come home and sit in front of the TV or play video games until you drop of sleep it seems normal that not too late you will have a personality crisis, you will become depressed and tired. I know very well.. I’ve been through that myself. How many of you still have the mood, time and energy to go in the park to run half an hour and to put your thoughts in order ? How many of you still take the liberty for a walk in nature to connect with the soul of the Earth ? How many of you still stay 10 minutes every night in prayer or meditation to feed your spirit with positive energy ? There is no longer a balance in our lives, and once lost you hardly get it back. Again, I know very well.. I’ve been through this. In desperation people go to Church to pray for success in life. Others change their religion completely, loosing their hope in the god that they say that suddenly doesn’t EXIST ANYMORE !

Again, I know very well, I’ve been through this and still going through this. An entire life I’ve dedicated in the service of divinity and religion was my guide to illumination for a long time, but my mistake was that I followed a single path without giving any importance to the other that could’ve been beneficial as well. And here comes the idea of balance again. A real man is a balanced man from all points of view, not a horse who sees only in one direction. What I’m saying is that, in my opinion, we need to widen our horizons, to increase our capacity to understand more than we proposed and to analyze everything that gets in our way to have success in life.

The world is indeed in a shade of grey, an ambivalent world which asks for concomitant understanding of all that surrounds us. Each part is in direct connection with its opposite. Satanism is different from Christianity, just like Buddhism is different from Islamism.. or any of them with another. If you have a little idea about the occult you would know for example, that every system of belief and occult practice has a very big connection to all the others existent. Almost the same thing applies in day by day life, in almost all functions and living sites. Also, every person is different from the other. But if you lived enough time with another person, you begin to complete each other. Interesting, right ? It is like a puzzle, in order to complete it you need to use a piece from each.

If you worshiped God your whole life and suddenly got mad at Him and got to plan B, running over to the ‘dark’ side doesn’t mean you made a big step forward. It means that you stayed exactly in the same place. Why, for example, don’t you think of what was missing in your life of a good Christian to be able to fill it with something from your life of a good Satanist ? Anyone can be mad at God because He won’t put bread on your table, he won’t bring you a wife in bed. It is still up to you.

I think the first thing you have to do to change now and to really start your journey to a better person and to a better understanding of this world, no matter what your age is, is to become honest. With yourself first of all. As long as you stay honest and accept what you learn, your path to wisdom and knowledge will be clear and you will get to know life as it is. That’s what seems to me the most important thing in life. “Honesty is the supreme connection between souls”. And to accept what you learn, even if its something difficult to grasp. You will understand what I’m talking about here after you finish reading this. I know that many of you will not agree with what I am about to say here. Especially ‘new comers’. And I understand why. We’re all searching for the perfect path, simple, beautiful and rewarding. Aren’t we ?… you know, I’ve had the same views like many of you. Reading the websites that were said to be the perfect sources for this information, I was beginning to think of life and Satanism (which I was studying at that time) is something so fluffy and cute that I was fucking amazed. Now after all this time, I smile when I look back at those times when my naivety was boundless, taken to paroxysm. And I talk to my Satanist friends that also been there and we smile together. Veni, vidi, vici. Whenever there was something negative said about Satanism we refused to believe it. Some were, indeed, gammon. But many things turned out to be true, and now we understand it only because it has been proven to us by fate. And so it is. The path that we chose to follow turned out to be much different than we once thought. The more time spent in this religion, the more it changes you. Same applies to all religions!

I want to tell you an interesting story, but before I start babbling, I want to warn you. I want you to know that I am not playing a game on you. What I am about to divulge is information that I had to discover for myself. It is something few people get to know and understand. And if fate will get you to encounter this on your path, you will then understand and know that what I am saying here is true. I have no reason to lie. There’s nothing to gain out of this, except an image of me being a smart ass that I really enjoy having. The reason I am willing to divulge this information is because I want to help, or in this case, warn those people who really want to know life about what is ahead.

It is a story about a very old friend of mine, which I will present here under the name “X” for secrecy sake. He was, in a way, my mentor, in life and in spirituality. He guided me and taught me ever since I was a kid. He was model for me. He helped me like no one ever did, not even my mom and dad. While we were Satanists he was the best example of a Satanist I’ve met. And so wise and determined as he was, not only fooled me, but even fooled himself. Something happened to him… something that I felt to happen for a long time.

The man turned his back on Satan, as it happened, and began to question his purpose in life. In time, he changed. At first he ran back to God, becoming not a Christian (A Christian is an idiot who follows blindly) but a Man of God, fully aware of the sickness that is in Christianity and in the world. There are few reasons for this change he made, but only one I believe is in your interest. That reason is simple. He seen the true nature of the gods. And he didn’t like it all. And he got scared. And thus this fear perhaps was stronger than his dedication to Satan and sought to get protection under the god that he started to call The Only God. Now if you ask me, he truly understood something out of this. Indeed he seen the true nature of Satan, yet he did not understand it. Only a bit later he discovered that God wasn’t the best choice either. Veni, vidi, sollicitus. (“I came, I saw, I got worried”)

Before I got these news, he invited me to his city at his home to begin a journey throughout the country. A journey that he said will change my life. He didn’t care to tell me more about it before I got to him. So when I got there, he gave me details.. we were going to visit some orthodox monasteries where we were going to stay for about a month and study (psychology and the occult) and participate in Christian rituals. The reason I rejected his offer was not because of the monasteries, I don’t give a shit about them. But I knew he had some plans for me, and in my opinion, he was trying to convert me to Christianity, something that I just couldn’t image myself to do at that time, when I was totally dedicated to the darkness, body and soul.

We talked about it enough for me to make an impression. He, who had been working with Demons and Satan for a long time, was now explaining to me how the Demons and Satan will never help him the way that God could. He told me that, as a Christian, he will continue to work with demons by means of Christian magickal systems (the Solomonic tradition) and that by doing so he will make his life better and be able to evolve in a way that he could never have as a Satanist. As a Satanist, I didn’t agree with this, so this came pretty bad for me and had to wish him all luck in his new lovely path and abandon the man that was once my best friend, my brother, my mentor. For the entire week I had received signs that could have turned me back to him. People harassing me in the bus with Christian prayer books, beggars at the subway chanting prayers to God and an entire fucking radio show about Christianity and God related miracles on my way back home.. but I couldn’t get back. Doing so the probability of us starting a fight and throwing fists and karate like kicks at each other was very much expected.

It wasn’t long until we got back in touch, when curiously enough, we both ended up with the same beliefs. That is, lonely souls in collaboration with the gods. The time I spent talking to him though, was worth. What he told me about Satanism and Christianity was something that I already knew, but didn’t accept. That is, that Satanism is indeed a very dark and sometimes negative path, and Christianity isn’t so bright and sweet either. What he failed to understand however, was that Satanism has also got a very positive side, just like Christianity. That Satanism, as Life itself, is neither Black nor White.. It’s really in a shade of grey. And one thing that I have learned while being a Satanist is that, duality really exists in the universe so we cannot ignore one side and only accept the other. We need to learn to have a balance and accept both sides as they both have a role in our lives. I’ve learned that duality needs to be understood, respected and embraced as part of the Whole.

Everything has a reason. If you run away from it, you’ll remain ignorant. If you search for it, there’s a high probability that you’ll become wiser than you expected. Life is full of mysteries. It is our mission to solve them. But for that, again, I must get back to what I said at the beginning of the essay… We must stay honest! And also, as I stated many times in my essays, we must be self-taught. Because we all experience life in our own ways. What is true for someone may not be true to you. That is, if a homosexual tells you that ass is better than pussy, that is not a rule. Its something true to him, and may not be true to you. Get it ?..

Don’t seek wisdom in books, on the internet or whatever. Seek it in yourself! In your life! Forget about all the bullshit you have learned on the internet, trying to understand the nature of wisdom. The true nature of wisdom is in yourself, because wisdom is life, and for you, it is YOUR LIFE.

The normal individual is a dead individual for he seeks wisdom not in spirituality and life, but in the oddest places and most complicated material of books and articles full of undecipherable information. We live in this world and don’t have the eyes to see its beauty. We live in this world and don’t realize that it is from LIFE ITSELF that we need to take our knowledge from.

The normal individual does not believe in such knowledge because he doesn’t see it. In order to see it, you must seek it. And to seek it, you must be serious about it. Most of the wisest people, were/are spiritual people.. Why do you think is that?.. life is much more than you see with your eyes. This Universe in which you, dear reader, are living in, is far more complex than it seems.

Juggle with information, learn from all you can, but analyze everything and think of how it connects to you. It is like a puzzle, in order to complete it you need a piece from everywhere. I may tell you how the road looks, I may tell you where it leads to, but I just cannot say what you will encounter on your way. It is up to you to walk down the path and find out.

Try everything and see what is good for you. The ‘Law Of The Fist’ is not the inconvenient just as the ‘Law of the Mind’ is not the only one “reasonable” It’s something in between.

To get to know yourself and the world as it is, you need to go through some stages. Some of these stages are forbidden in Christianity, or are simply ignored by the majority of people. An example of such a stage is to get to know your negative/dark side. Every man has a negative and a positive side. To get to know yourself truly you must understand both sides of your being. A psychiatrist named Carl Gustav Jung, said something like “Illumination is not reached by visualizing the light, but by exploring the darkness”. Perhaps as a completion to this, the website of the magickal order Dragon Rouge used to have written on the front page “The ‘darkness’ is a mirror of the depths of the soul. All that is hidden inside us, our desires and our fears, is projected on the darkness.” The ‘darkness’ is that part of your soul where all your secrets and answers are hidden. A big part of your essence. In order to illuminate yourself you need to explore this dark side of your soul. Here you will find many negative things, yet very important things about yourself. After all, not even light can show us everything. In the daylight, we cannot see what it’s really up there in the sky, how the stars and the Moon are watching us.

We need to learn these things about us, no matter if they are negative or positive. Many things might seem horrible and difficult to accept, but they are real, they are part of our nature and we cannot deny them. Denial keeps us away from wisdom.

In real spirituality there is no good and evil. Here Good and Evil do not matter anymore, don’t even exist. These are just human terms and conceptions. What is in real spirituality is beyond good and evil. It goes beyond these borders. It passes the a human limit. And even so, man has created these terms in order to understand easier what is around him. Do not be fooled by appearances.



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Position: Founder City: Bucharest, Romania Age: 29 Belief/System: personal Domains of interest: Satanism, Demonolatry, Medieval Witchcraft, Magic(k), Kabbalah, Gnosticism Website: Read more

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